The Sex Partner Who Refuses to Share His Saturday Night


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Christoph Niemann

I’ve been hooking up with a guy I met online. It started as a purely sexual thing. At my suggestion, it grew to include drinks and meals, too. But sex was still the main event. Then I invited him to a party on a Saturday night. He said, “But we aren’t a weekend thing.” I was mortified. He said he’d think about it, but I never heard from him again. My friends say I dodged a bullet, but I feel terrible about pushing for too much. Any advice?

SANDY

Last week, I took a spinning class at Flywheel. While we were pedaling up some (imaginary) mountain, our instructor, Ruth, told us that 17 years ago, when she first started teaching, she asked her boss for a weekend slot, only to be told she wasn’t “weekend material.” Reader, she is now the star instructor with an ownership stake. We are all weekend material! (And that includes you, Sandy.)

I disagree with your pals: There was no bullet here. You and your gentleman had fun of a certain stripe. When your desires shifted, you spoke up. (Well done!) Unfortunately, his wishes didn’t evolve along with yours. No villains, just different aims. The only part of this story I dislike is your beating yourself up. You did nothing wrong in asking for what you want.

That said, you are never going to find a good heirloom tomato at the hardware store. So, if the app that brought you two together is mostly sex-facing, don’t go roaring back to it, now that you know you may be up for something more. Try a different site. I have plenty of coupled friends who started out by hooking up. But the transition is easier when dating is on the menu of possibilities from the get-go.

Going to Chicago, and Not Going Dutch

My husband and I live in Chicago. We are close, longtime friends with a couple from Nashville. We visit each other three times a year. Due to some family changes, we have not been able to get to Nashville recently; they have flown up here, instead. On their last visit, they made it clear that they have spent a lot on airline tickets and didn’t think they should pay for dinners out. What should we do?

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